New Contents of Lincolns Pockets on Evening of Assassination

Washington D.C. –  Until now the photo containing the contents of President Abraham Lincoln’s pockets had remained unreleased to the public. When President Abraham Lincoln was shot at Ford’s Theatre in Washington, D.C., on April 14, 1865, he was carrying the following: Two pairs of spectacles and a lens polisher Pocketknife Watch fob Linen handkerchief…

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Mayor of Shithole Doesn’t Appreciate Trump’s Comparison

Kandi, Benin Africa – Mayor Francis Lamont took office two years ago.    His accomplishments since taking office include building two new schools, a healthcare facility, and a public park in his tenure.   Lamont was shocked by President Trump’s comments about his township Shithole in Kandi Benin.  “I make mistakes, sure, but we have done…

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Joe Arpaio Discloses Actual Age

Joe Arpaio, former sheriff  announced  age is not a factor and will run for Senate in Arizona after Republican Jeff Flake retires this year.  “John McCain is a toddler compared to me”, said Arpaio.  “I’m actually 118 years old and have the spunk of an 85 year old”.   Arpaio claims the confusion on age comes…

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